The Secret Life of Pets: You’ve Seen the Trailer, You’ve Seen the Film

When I set out to do this review, I had no idea I would be posting it on “National Dog Day”. I hate that this is an unfavorable review on such a cute and adorable day, but, here we go.

The Secret Life of Pets was extremely disappointing. I wasn’t even paying much attention to it toward the end. It was boring and unfunny and I’ll never get that hour and half of my life back. It was just…blah.

For a kid, maybe this film would be a good idea but I like animations that appeal to not only children but adults as well. You’re never too young to not appreciate an animated film. But this film? Hard pass. Swipe left. Do not pass go. Save your money. Don’t buy it. Just, no. Please don’t.

There is no shortage of funny talent in this film. Louis C.K. voices the main character of Max. Eric Stonestreet voices Duke, a dog that encroaches on Max’s domain. Then there’s Lake Bell as a fat cat named Chloe and Kevin Hart voices a demonic rabbit named Snowball. Even these funny guys couldn’t lift this film from the doldrums of bore and flatness.

Basically, as the title suggests, if you’ve seen the trailer, you’ve seen the only good parts of this film. It should’ve ended a good thirty minutes before it did and there was a part of me that wished that Snowball would’ve killed Duke and Max in the sewers instead of them escaping. Which, as a pet owner, is a horrible thing to say.

There were parts of the story that seemed shoehorned in. For example, Gidget, the little prissy fuzzball a few floors up from Max has a crush on him randomly in the second act that carries on rather woodenly into the third act. She messes up and calls him “handsome” and “beautiful” and even the other dogs in the apartment complex are like, “he doesn’t even notice you. Just stop”.

Even Snowball’s reasons for being maniacal and unhinged are weak at best and his best moment was, of course, shown in the trailer so I knew it was coming. As a result, I didn’t even laugh.

Thankfully, Illumination bounced back with their release of Sing but if they make a sequel to The Secret Life of Pets, I definitely will be skipping it and probably will be re-watching a Disney film of something.

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